I have found it super-duper hard to write lately. Usually writing is something I do every day, half the time (more like 90% of the time) I never publish it on here, mainly because writing is such a therapeutic thing to me that some of the post I write are me literally keyboard bashing my computer into a pulp of frustration/crying and expressing my deep emotions about a puppy vine I found on twitter/it being just Blah-blah Crap I, myself don’t reeeeeeally care about – let alone ya’ll!
Before we go any further. If you were wondering what the exact definition of Blah-blah Crap is, I thought I’d kindly copy and paste it for you from the Real Dictionary of Real Words that Definitely are NOT Fake:
The description of a piece of writing content or topic which is boring, meaningless, uninspiring and pretty much just full-on Crappy.
I do, however, always save it away in a little therapy file for me to go through and read for things like, inspiration, re-editing to create a more blog-friendly post or sometimes just to shake my head at the drama-rama I write and how incredibly, truly, deeply devastating it is that I am not allowed to buy a puppy.
Anyways, so tonight when I decided to sit down and write a blog post I needed some inspiration.
None of my little therapy posts were working for me.
I went for a walk outside and got nothing.
I lit a candle and dimmed all the lights to entice my inspiration romantically.
So I went to my absolute last resort(not really my last, I was actually just procrastinating…).
I’m scrollin’ on through everyone’s posts. I look at all my FB friend’s cute babies, a couple of my talented FB friends who are dancers, photographers or make up artists.
Nothing was coming to my brain. Not even a speck or glimmer of hope.
Then I came across a video about things people regretted. A bunch of students in the US were experimenting on what would happen if they placed a huge black board in the middle of NYC with “WRITE YOUR BIGGEST REGRET” written across the top of it.
After a few hours, the black board had attracted people of all walks of life who had written regrets about their careers, their dreams and people they’ll never get back.
It really struck a nerve with me.
Mainly because I believe regret is one of the most tragic emotions one could ever endure. But also because while I’m rushing around with my life everyday, I often selfishly forget about everyone else that lives on the fabulous huge planet Earth.
People that succeed and people that fail.
I am constantly so wound up about moving forward and progressing and the resistance in my own life that I actually forget how small I am as a person (163cms to be precise) in the world and how many billions of people are in my boat.
Or even tragically, were in my boat and then gave up.
I never liked to believe in the word “regret”.
Now that I think about it, I still don’t think I believe in it.
When I try and pin-point why, I kind of gather that regret is a personal choice.
If I’m ever faced with making a decision, I have always liked to live by making the decision right, not necessarily making the right decision.
Which I think I’ve written about before on the blog? Not sure.
So it was really so heartbreaking to see the ache in people’s eyes when they wrote all of their regrets on this board.
It was actually super heavy.
At the end of the video though, it does a really cute thing where it talks about tomorrow being a new day and a clean sheet to do whatever you want, which saved me a little bit there. By the time this came around I was already traumatised and welling up with tears for the person that wished they had kids before their father passed away(I told you, this was some SADDDDDD stuff).
After watching that video I decided I wanted to talk (write) really honestly about things I don’t regret and things I’m not sorry about.
Times that haven’t necessarily been an easy road, decisions I’ve had to make and how scary it was, situations I managed to get through when I didn’t actually think I’d make it, and the reason why these are all things I am not sorry about, things that will never, ever be regrets.
Here it goes, things I’m not sorry about:
1. I’m not sorry I left my life behind me for love.
Top of the list.
I was 20 when I left to the other side of the world. For a huge land of possibility, adventure and my Love.
I think this was the scariest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life. I left a whole entire world behind me, it got super rocky for me and I struggled for a little while to get back on my feet.
But, shout out to my Mum and my Guy, I survived. Battered and torn and bruised, I made it through. I don’t think I’ve ever hit rock bottom harder than then.
So I’m definitely not sorry that after making that tricky decision, I became one of the toughest B’s I could be.
2. I’m not sorry I waited 4 years to go to University.
This is mainly because I allllllmost failed to get my year 12 certificate (okay, yes, I failed) so was forced to enter as a mature student after 21 anyways. But in that time I travelled around, I met some cool-ass people, I learnt stuff about myself and figured out that I actually didn’t want to go to clown school and join the circus. So thank goodness I waited! Even though I think I defs would have been a freakin’ awesome clown!
3. I’m not sorry I quit my diet.
I went through a super phase of UNREALLLL clean eating. I’m talking, nothing with anything in it, I may as well have been eating organic, raw nuts and air for every meal.
It just was not good for me. Sure, I was skinny enough to fit into everything and had some mean-ass abdominals going on, but it ended up taking a huge toll on my body that I’m still trying to sort out now.
That, and no sane human should ever go that long without eating pizza, drinking coffee, or having a couple TimTams.
4. Similar to point number 3… Actually this is more like point 3.5 to be honest.
3.5. I am not sorry I started squatting. A girl gotta have a booty. ’nuff said.
4. I’m not sorry I took the tricky road in my career.
I am so happy that after being kicked in the stomach a couple times in my career, I’m not about to start rolling over or waving my white flag.
I am not interested in giving in to the resistance that can sometimes try and hold people back. I am a firm believer that resistance means you’ll be shooting forward before you know it. And that more than anything, over talent comes hard work and persistence. People that make it are the people who stick it out and are still standing after everyone else gets knocked down.
You can’t let the game play you, always, ALWAYS play the game right back.
But I’m going to stop myself there because there will be more on this topic in another post later on, otherwise point 4 will turn into a 987 chapter auto biography.
5. I am no where near sorry about my far-from-ordinary life.
Not sorry at all that most things are a tiny bit trickier due to the fact that I have had to live in 3 different countries in 3 years and probablllyyyyy have to move to another one in June this year. Its all a big blurr of visas and passports and luggage bags.
If my life was on GPS at the moment I have about a gazillion red traffic dots and road works in a country I’m not familiar with and speaking in a language that sounds like Alien-ese.
But, don’t care. I have no qualms about whether I’ll get there.
I”ll chuck on Beibs album on repeat(still not over it, and I’m definitely not sorry about that either), Put that mo-fo in 5th gear and 4WDrive it there in the rain, hail or shine.
These are only a couple of things I’m not sorry about.
To be honest there needs to be another 2 or 3 posts on this topic to cover them all.
But that ain’t happening, thats just plain Blah-blah Crap.
I’m really feelin’ myself after this post.
Its really good to know that you’ve been scared, or something has been tricky, or you’ve not been sure of a decision you’ve made.
An ACTUAL regret would be regretting something you can’t take back. Thats not living.
We’re all human, we’re all here for however long we’re here for. We don’t need to think about what we should have done or could have done.
We’ve done it.
Make the decision right, not the right decision, always.
That is life, at the end of the day, innit?
Always keeping it real with you lot.
And not sorry.